Oppugn.us

As a developer I often get approached by various "interesting" and "creative" entrepreneurial hopefuls with little to no budget. There are some legit cases of young people with big dreams but usually that just means they're not willing to put their money where their mouths are. Be that as it may, they have a rather big attitude about being "broke". They are not willing to spill the beans without me signing the mandatory NDA. Yes, the stock-standard template they pulled off some site for fellow cheap-skates. If I only had $1 for each of those I collected over the years, I would be stinking rich by now from that alone! Could be good business, come to think of it... Should start charging for those.

Anyway, after wasting some expensive ink and killing more trees I get the pitch about their "next" brilliant venture (as if they are on a streak or something). Apparently respraying your car to beige takes more creative energy than forming a startup these days. The Christmas Spirit lasts all year for these guys - in the spirit of giving they will give me a full 50% of their precious equity if I end up doing all the hard work at no pay while they are performing the exhausting work of reading the Financial Times in the restroom for four hours every morning. That only as a last resort as I'm not in for that 20% crap.

Marketing too is a really big deal - after all, it's hard work to spam all your luser friends on Twitter and Facebook until some douchebag VC feels desperate enough to shed some cash. Such a burden to have spare cash lying around in the middle of the biggest economic stuffup since the 1930's...

The surprising thing is that, having 50% of the equity apparently does not make you an equal partner. If any important business decisions need to be made, how could I ever have expected to be consulted? After all, I'm just an employee that is getting paid in equity instead of actual money. I might even have the hope of earning half a salary after the investors step up to the plate and I had to live off unemployment benefits for over six months. Who needs a car and furniture anyway? Public transport is so much better and at least I still own a mattress.

In addition I might be privileged enough to actually have 2% of the equity left after the VCs take their share. It's not like it's my company, I just do all the work; that's what programmers have been put on this earth for, after all - slaving it out like the gullible bastards we are.

What? I actually expected to get credited in media coverage? No mention ever of this sucker wannabe-partner sitting on his chair sweating it out late nights in front of the keyboard just so that somebody else can walk away with all the glory. I'm just the code monkey after all, and as we all know, there's no fame or recognition in programming. My skill is merely a commodity that can be traded for absolutely bugger-all other than a kick in the ass when the product eventually takes off. Not like I inserted any creative input whatsoever in addition to that metric crap-load of code.

Startups are overrated when bullshit takes over. I'll rather just work for big corporates; at least I get my salary at the end of the month!